What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
