i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
