He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
