I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
