Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pants are for mortals
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
