how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
