I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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