dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
