i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
