Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
