he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
