i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
