do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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