so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
