Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize