God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
