Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
