He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
