After last night, I could never be a politician.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
