Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
