i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
