Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
