in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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