I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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