Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
