He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
