we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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