First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
