I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
