I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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