47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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