Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
