It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
