Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
