Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize