Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
