im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
