I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
