...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
