I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
