weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
