I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
