...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
