Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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