Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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