Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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