Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
