so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
