I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
