Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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