dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
