So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
