he puts the penis in happiness.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
