I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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