So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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