this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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