omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
