just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
