The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
