tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
