What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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