I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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