Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
