YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
