your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will be naked everywhere
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My ass is underappreciated
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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