just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
