those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
