Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
