So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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