the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize