You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
