now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
