He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
