i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize