i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
