Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
