Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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