She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
