"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
