Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
