Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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