wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have aggressive nipples.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize