dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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