your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
