Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
