This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
