he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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