he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
