Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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