I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
