My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
