I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
