in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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