Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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