Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
