remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Randomize
