Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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