I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
