the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
