The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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